Not Being Discouraged By Setbacks

I’m not one to complain much or be negative. But, I have my moments. This past week has been an interesting week to say the least. I had a setback that is making me rethink some things and regroup myself. It came out of nowhere. But, at the same time, I had a gut feeling that something was not right. Well…my gut instincts were right.

Sometimes we do the best we can and still not have things not go the way we want. There could be many reasons that this happens. One of those reasons could be that we are doing something that we really are not meant to do. It’s like going against the grain. But, it’s going your own grain. Another reason could be that there is a lesson to be learned that we just have not learned yet. So, we keep repeating the pattern. Kind of like a hamster in a hamster wheel running fast and getting nowhere.

So, where am I going with all of this? Well, I’m going to say that even though I have had a setback, I’m not going to let it discourage me. Sure, it sucks! But, it’s a part of life and we have to accept the fact that they will happen. We can’t control everything! But, we can do the best at what we can control! That is the key!

So, when you find yourself hit with a setback, just know that it’s a part of life, look for the lesson that there may be to learn, and keep moving forward! Nothing will come from sitting stagnant. And surely nothing positive will come from being negative!

What Does Doing Nothing Bring Us?

I was sitting down last night and asking myself this question. It was one of those self reflection self talks that I do from time to time. I know that I’m not alone on this one. But, it was time to really ask some serious questions.

As I have already stated, I’m sure all of us has asked ourselves this question before. But, the real question is why do we keep asking ourselves this question when we already know the answer? Well…most of the time it is the fear of doing something different. I know that I’m bad at it as well. So, I’m not perfect. But, I do know that the more I ask that question to myself the more I start to just get sick of it. That in turn will trigger some action.

I don’t know how many of you can relate to this. But, I know my biggest reason for not wanting to take action is pure laziness. Yep…laziness! I just don’t feel like doing anything. Nothing. Zilch. Nada! But, I also pay the price for doing absolutely nothing...overwhelm! So, I have decided that in times when I don’t feel like doing anything, that I do something even when I don’t want to.

For instance, if I want to read 10 pages of a book and don’t feel like it, I make the decision to read a paragraph. Now we all know that reading a paragraph is not the same as reading 10 pages. But, it can be the catalyst to keep me reading further. That initial action of reading a paragraph could possibly end up with me reading all 10 pages. Or, definitely more than if I did nothing.

Another example would be doing the laundry. I know that we all don’t look forward to doing it. But, it has to be done. One of the ways for me to get started is to sort the clothes. But, when I do that, I sort them where I know that if I left them there, it would get on my nerves (I’m somewhat of a neat freak). Just the clothes sitting on my floor in neat piles would make me at least start a load because I know that it will just pile up. It’s got to get done, why not do a load or two right?

I wrote all this to simply say that when you have those times when you really don’t want to do anything, do something instead. A small step towards a goal or task is definitely better than doing absolutely nothing! We either pay now or pay later! That’s just how it goes!

People Who Quit On Their Dreams!

I was doing some hard thinking after having a conversation with a person last week. They informed me that they were going to quit something they started because it was just too hard for them to continue. That was something that took me aback. The reason why they started to begin with was to change their family's life. But now...they're quitting. So...this is a little bit of my opinion on the subject of quitting.

My mentors have taught me that success comes through a series of failures. To double your rate of success is by doubling your rate of failure. I have also read that successful people do the simple easy things that are also easy not to do.

This is all to say that it is so interesting to me to hear people say they want this and that or have the lifestyle of successful people. But, not willing to put in the work and effort to get there. To see people quit on their dreams is really sad. But, the reality is that nothing that is worth having never comes easy. There is a price to pay to get to any level of success. Whether it's in education, spiritual, finances or relationships. In order for anything to work, you have to put time and effort into it. You can't expect to lose weight if you're only exercising once a week. You can't expect to become more educated by reading one book a year. You can't expect a relationship to grow if you don't give it the appropriate amount of time. You can't expect anything to grow if you don't put in the effort. But yet, so many people give up when they don't see instant results.

Well...just like seeds that are planted, you have to allow time to pass in order for it to grow into a harvest. So...when I hear of people giving up on their dreams because it's too hard or they don't have the time, it's bull! It's that exact mentality that is keeping them where they are at now. Because they don't want to get out of their comfort zone to grow, they will remain at the same place. We all have the same 24 hours in a day. The difference is how we utilize those 24 hours. One person reads a personal development book while another watches "American Idol". One person associates with positive people while another associates with people that complain all the time. One person takes time to do something to help them grow while another spends time doing something that doesn't help them grow at all. To be successful, you have to be persistent and consistent. There is no other way!

The big question is if the quitters have kids. How can they tell their kids to go for their dreams while at the same time they give up on theirs? How do they expect their kids to believe that dreams are possible when they see that their parent or parents quit on theirs? In my opinion, that is being a hypocrite! I just know that when I look my son in the eyes, I can say that he doesn't have a quitter for a dad. He has a dad that goes for his dreams which shows him that he can go for his! It is because of my son that I go for my dreams and make a better life for him! He's my motivation!

P.S. - A good book to read to further understand what I've been talking about is "The Slight Edge: Secrets To A Successful Life" by Jeff Olson. After reading that, you'll understand exactly what I'm talking about.

The Battle Within

Interesting title huh? I know that it would catch my attention if I saw it. Definitely commands attention. The title is appropriate for what I’m about to write about. So, strap on your seat belt and enjoy the ride.

Every single one of us is going through or has gone through this at some point in our life. Sometimes several times! And, as you may have guess from the title, it’s the battle within us. That battle can be numerous things. It could be anger, depression, doubt, fear, anxiety, and lack of self-confidence. Or, it can be something like substance abuse. In short, it’s that battle or struggle we have within that throws us off balance or doesn’t put us in the right state of mind.

Why did I choose to speak about this today? Well…because it’s something that I’ve had to deal with myself for the last year. 2012 was one of the most challenging years of my life. But, like anything else, with the bad comes the good and vice-versa. I’m not going to get into too much detail other than to say that I was not in a good place financially, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It all began with finding out my mom was diagnosed was stomach cancer.

It was at that time, that the battle within for me really started to manifest. Sure, I’ve been through some challenges before. But, this was the first time in my life that it seemed like I was being approached by a category 5 hurricane. I can see it coming but there wasn’t much I was able to do about it.

What were these battles? The battle was questions like this: Why is my life like this? What am I not doing better? Why is this happening to my mom? Why do I feel paralyzed? Why wasn’t I there more for my mom before now? What example am I setting for my son? What did I do wrong? What did I do to deserve all this?

Well…I’m sure that by now most of you are saying the same thing in your head…stop beating up on yourself. From a logical standpoint, we both know that it does no good. All it does is reinforce the negative thoughts and feelings. So…I totally agree. But, as we all know, that in the midst of feeling or thinking like this, it’s easy to spiral out of control. I’ve been there and seen it happening.

This is the point when I say that it’s ok to feel like that from time to time. Without darkness, there can be no light. Without evil, there can be no good. Without bitter, there can be no sweet. I’m pretty sure that you get the picture by now. One can’t exist without the other. It’s the balance of life. So, feel the feelings. Acknowledge the feelings. But, don’t be consumed by the feelings! Learn to recognize that battle and struggle on the onset. Then you’ll be more equipped to deal with it. We all go through it at some point. It’s as natural as the rising of the sun. Just don’t bet yourself up over it.

Don’t Fear Failure!

I know this is a hard topic for most people. Just the thought of failure brings up feelings of disappointment, anxiety, and lack of self-confidence. But, the reality is that everything that we have ever achieved in our lives came from failure. It’s very rare that anybody is successful on the first attempt. That’s just how it goes. Let me give some examples.

When we were babies, we had to have everything done for us. We’re fed, burped, bathed, dressed, and etc. But, one of the very first things we learned to do was raise our head. Was it easy? No! Have you watched a baby struggle with raising its head when laid on its stomach? I know that I have. It’s hard to watch at times. Do they do it on the first attempt? No! But, it’s their determination to do it that eventually leads them to successfully accomplishing it. It’s no different than learning how to talk, walk, or ride a bike. We learn through a series of failures to eventually succeed at whatever it is that we want to do.

Another example is cooking. I know that when I first learned how to cook, I had the fear that I wouldn’t cook it right or burned it. That fear led to those exact things. I was undercooking or overcooking food. You know it’s bad when you overcook Top Ramen! LOL! But, it was through trial and error that I found the right way to cook. Now, I do it without thinking. I’m on autopilot. It’s funny how I can have 3 things cooking at the same time without batting an eye.

What does all this have to do with the fear of failure? A lot! For most of us, the fear of failure has kept us from achieving success in all areas in our lives. This includes everything from relationships to business to spirituality. Why? It’s easier to give up rather than to keep trying. That’s pretty much the short and skinny! We, as people as a whole, have become lazy. We are complacent with what we have instead of truly going for what we want. Sure it’s going to be challenging. But, nothing in life worth having comes easy! We have to put in personal equity in it! Some would say blood, sweat, and tears. However you want to put it, it takes determination and persistence to achieve any success in anything!

So, know that failure is not the end. Know that it’s just a part of the process that we all go through to accomplish something. Some things will be easier to some than others. But, once again, that is just the way it is. But, everybody can be successful at whatever it is they want if they choose to keep going rather to quit at the first, second, or third failure. Failures are the building block and foundation to success. Nothing solid can be built without it! Absolutely nothing! Accept it! Embrace it! And, go for it! You can do it!