The Battle Within

Interesting title huh? I know that it would catch my attention if I saw it. Definitely commands attention. The title is appropriate for what I’m about to write about. So, strap on your seat belt and enjoy the ride.

Every single one of us is going through or has gone through this at some point in our life. Sometimes several times! And, as you may have guess from the title, it’s the battle within us. That battle can be numerous things. It could be anger, depression, doubt, fear, anxiety, and lack of self-confidence. Or, it can be something like substance abuse. In short, it’s that battle or struggle we have within that throws us off balance or doesn’t put us in the right state of mind.

Why did I choose to speak about this today? Well…because it’s something that I’ve had to deal with myself for the last year. 2012 was one of the most challenging years of my life. But, like anything else, with the bad comes the good and vice-versa. I’m not going to get into too much detail other than to say that I was not in a good place financially, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It all began with finding out my mom was diagnosed was stomach cancer.

It was at that time, that the battle within for me really started to manifest. Sure, I’ve been through some challenges before. But, this was the first time in my life that it seemed like I was being approached by a category 5 hurricane. I can see it coming but there wasn’t much I was able to do about it.

What were these battles? The battle was questions like this: Why is my life like this? What am I not doing better? Why is this happening to my mom? Why do I feel paralyzed? Why wasn’t I there more for my mom before now? What example am I setting for my son? What did I do wrong? What did I do to deserve all this?

Well…I’m sure that by now most of you are saying the same thing in your head…stop beating up on yourself. From a logical standpoint, we both know that it does no good. All it does is reinforce the negative thoughts and feelings. So…I totally agree. But, as we all know, that in the midst of feeling or thinking like this, it’s easy to spiral out of control. I’ve been there and seen it happening.

This is the point when I say that it’s ok to feel like that from time to time. Without darkness, there can be no light. Without evil, there can be no good. Without bitter, there can be no sweet. I’m pretty sure that you get the picture by now. One can’t exist without the other. It’s the balance of life. So, feel the feelings. Acknowledge the feelings. But, don’t be consumed by the feelings! Learn to recognize that battle and struggle on the onset. Then you’ll be more equipped to deal with it. We all go through it at some point. It’s as natural as the rising of the sun. Just don’t bet yourself up over it.